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+11

JudoTerrier

JudoMum

Ben Reinhardt

Hanon

Stacey

BillC

genetic judoka

GR3G4

Judo Dad

OldeEnglishD

Yaburi

15 posters

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HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

Yaburi: Posts : 23
Join date : 2012-12-31
Location : USA

Post n°1

HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Yaburi Tue Jan 15, 2013 3:59 pm

How & Why Children Benefit from Judo
By Mark Lonsdale
“Winning a championship is a temporary accomplishment
– being a better person is for life”

More important than just building a better athlete, sports should build a better person. Judo in particular develops discipline, manners, punctuality, strength, stamina, perseverance, tenacity, toughness and confidence – all character traits that are essential to success and respected by society. Society also respects a person who wins with humility and loses with grace.

One of the unique aspects of judo training is the respect for others that is taught and required in the dojo. In time, through judo, this respect grows into a heightened level of self-confidence and discipline. For the parents of a rambunctious 6 or 8 year old, this cultivated respect and discipline can appear “heaven sent.” As a result, very rarely does one find a junior judoka who is poorly behaved or disrespectful to adults.

While judo is a martial art, and therefore a combat sport, the fighting that children do in the dojo is actually a form of preparation for life’s many challenges. In life, as in judo, we do not always win. So doing randori, and competing within the rules, teaches children persistence, resolve and perseverance. They also learn that it is not winning that is always important, but the time and effort dedicated to the training, and finding the courage to compete, that separates the judoka from others.

In its simplest form, character building in judo comes from the ability to be thrown on the mat, and then to get back up and keep fighting. This determination and toughness should never be under valued. The first step towards success, in any endeavour, is to learn the lesson taught by Kyuzo Mifune – “seven times down, eight times up.” Or as John Wayne would have put it, “You need to dust yourself off, Pilgrim, and get back on that horse.”

Junior judoka also learn the lesson of responsibility, or more specifically, taking responsibility for one’s own success or failure. They learn that if they want to succeed in grading, promotion or competition, they must turn up for class, pay attention to Sensei, learn their techniques, and then apply them in randori. Failure, on the other hand, can be directly attributed to how little effort they put into their lessons and training. And since children like to have fun, they also learn how much fun it is to succeed in games, pass a belt promotion, or win in shiai. In time they learn that the medals and trophies are just the icing on the cake. It is the peer acceptance and respect in the dojo that is more important. Recognition and a pat on the back from stern-faced Sensei are more valued and last much longer than a coloured ribbon.

There is also the self defense aspect of judo. With all the weirdoes, stalkers, crazies, and bullies out there, parents constantly worry about their children. But in judo, children gain fitness, strength, stamina, balance, agility and awareness. Randori and competition also develop a rough and tumble level of self-confidence that allows even junior judoka to identify a threat and react appropriately (provided the judo training has been supplemented with sage parental advice).

To conclude, judo teaches many life lessons and develops strong character traits that will serve children through their difficult teen years and into adulthood. These virtues may seem to go well beyond what is practiced in the dojo, but in reality, this is exactly what Professor Jigoro Kano intended when he created Kodokan Judo. Jita-kyoei, mutual welfare and benefit, is one of the most important maxims in judo, and exemplifies the greater value of judo training. Jika no kansei, strive for perfection, is another significant motto, provided one understands that we strive for personal perfection so that we may better help others.

“The man who is at the peak of his success and the man who has just failed
are in exactly the same position. Each must decide what he will do next."
- Jigoro Kano

END

OldeEnglishD: Posts : 94
Join date : 2012-12-28
Location : Michigan

Post n°2

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by OldeEnglishD Tue Jan 15, 2013 10:53 pm

Excellent post. As the parent of a 7 year old who does Judo, I can attest that all of the below is true in my experience at the dojo. I would also add that Judo gives the children a sense of community as well. My son loves all of the judoka who train with us, he looks forward to seeing them every class. He also sees our club as something he is partially responsible for. Whether it is sogi after class or O-sogi several times a year, he never complains at helping to maintain the club.

Judo Dad: Posts : 147
Join date : 2013-01-01
Location : Australia

Post n°3

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Judo Dad Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:20 pm

+1

GR3G4: Posts : 12
Join date : 2013-01-22
Location : Yurp

Post n°4

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by GR3G4 Tue Jan 22, 2013 8:32 pm

have worked as a judo teacher for small children (aged mostly 4 to 7) for over a decade and many times I had to answer questions on the subject (to children's parents, grandparents, parents' friends), so I gave the subject a lot of thought.
When this topic is discussed the first things that have to be asked are: "Why should a child do judo and not some other sport?" and "Why would a parent choose judo as his child's activity?" So we should concentrate on what judo offers that other sports don't. I will not write about what judo practice can offer physically because all sports enhance motor skills (although I think that judo practice has a wider effect on a person's skills and abilities than many other sports).

The first thing that stands out to a casual observer is that judo demands a lot contact with one's partner/opponent. This is good, which should be emphasized when talking to parents. While working with a partner, children learn how to cooperate and how to oppose. The cooperation part should (at least for very young children) be the more important one, as children play together in judo and make new friendships. This is important later when they begin to oppose each other (randori, "fighting games", etc.), because small children in many cases lack "feeling", lack empathy and when you "fight" your friend ("play" is actually a more appropriate word, but I'm talking about games where they oppose each other - for instance sumo, randori ne waza, etc.) you will be more mindful of him (take care of him, be careful not to hurt him or make him cry) as you would be of a stranger. This leads to better self control and better social skills - making friends and meeting new people. It can also lead to judoka being more relaxed when dealing with the opposite sex (in judo boys and girls play together and get used to being around each other) which can come handy later in life when they try to hook up with someone (with or without long-term intentions Very Happy

Very Happy

). Judo is also special because it's an individual sport which is hard (impossible?) to practice individually - a judoka without the support of a group can rarely be successful (there may be some cases that I'm not aware of).

Another thing that judo offers is dealing with winning and losing. While most other sports also offer this, few offer a more intense experience of it - few things are more intense than being in close contact with your opponent while trying to win. Also in judo excessive celebration of the win or mourning (is this an appropriate word?) of the loss are discouraged (or at least they should be).

A very (maybe most) important thing about judo in relation to other sports is the rules of behavior and the role of respect (I wrote a post about small children and respect on the old forum under the same name, maybe it's still available?). Judo has very strict rules of conduct (we all know them so I won't go into detail here) that all judoka must conform to - the rules include values that most of the people in our communities find at least acceptable.

I will stop here so the post doesn't get too long, but will be happy to get involved in any debate that might come out of it.

Yaburi: Posts : 23
Join date : 2012-12-31
Location : USA

Post n°5

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Yaburi Wed Jan 23, 2013 4:03 am

Thanks guys - good points

genetic judoka: Posts : 541
Join date : 2012-12-30
Age : 37
Location : Florida

Post n°6

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by genetic judoka Wed Jan 23, 2013 4:49 am

in my opinion the benefit of judo for kids is simple.

nowadays in every other aspect of their lives kids are growing up in a world where everybody gets a trophy. where the kid who shows up occasionally and just kinda goes through the motions isn't allowed to be praised any less than the kid who comes in early and stays late giving 100% effort 100% of the time. if a kid fails a test it's the teacher that gets blamed, nevermind that the kid decided to play video games instead of studying like everyone else. and if their soccer team loses, the slacker kid can feel better because the blame is divided amongst his team mates.

the thing is, the real world (the one we have to live in as adults) isn't like that.

in judo it's not like that either. if you get promoted it's because you earned that promotion (at least in most clubs), if you don't put in the work you don't get a reward. if the kid goofs off during regular practice they're gonna get smoked in randori. granted in randori there's no winners or losers, but in shiai, someone wins, someone loses. if you lose it's because you didn't work hard enough to win. there's no "oh well my team mates didn't play well so our team lost." unlike the school world where every kid is special, in judo your performance speaks for itself. the value of hard work isn't explained in lectures that kids can tune out from, it's demonstrated.

people call our dojo and ask "so how long will it take for lil jimmy to get his black belt?"
"that depends on how hard lil jimmy works, but generally he won't get it until he's at least 16."
"well the instructor from the TKD school down the street says he can get it in a year or two."
"are you just looking for an easy way for lil jimmy to get his black belt for bragging rights? if so you can buy a belt online for cheap, but what is it worth?"

that last part is IMO an explanation of why judo, and not just martial arts in general, is good for kids. some of my post resembles things said in the OP, but I wanted to say it my own (less politically correct) way.

BillC: Posts : 806
Join date : 2012-12-28
Location : Vista, California

Post n°7

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by BillC Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:41 am

Coincidence that I stumbled on the JJAVA site link while seeking the link for this forum today. Let's not be patting ourselves on our collective backs.

Problem is, ladies and gentlemen ... and this comment probably belongs in the yudansha section ... like many things there is a huge gap between the ideal and the practice. As far as working with children, the vast majority are woefully unprepared ... and there is no mechanism to force compliance with any training program ... even if a good one existed ... and from there no process exists to make sure that teachers adhere to any system with a basis in good educational and childcare principles. In fact, the worst cases of abuse and dishonesty are often institutionalized.

Consider the common spectacle of the black belt, thinking himself (usually a he) prepared by virtue of that piece of cloth, who acts like he is out to run baby boot camp but accomplishes (I read this term on the old forum recently and like it) ... accomplishes little more than BWC (baby-sitting with costumes).

So I think that question of benefit to children is an open question ... an elusive goal and not a comprehensive reality ... at least as far as a cause-and-effect relationship. Judo is a wonderful activity, don't get me wrong, and its robust, lasting principles do manage to show through. But it is often out of luck in getting a naturally good "sensei" and not because of anything to do with judo as practiced.

Stacey: Posts : 554
Join date : 2013-01-17
Location : your worst nightmares

Post n°8

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Stacey Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:58 am

I grew up swimming - very little communication, practice and meets were competitive (even if everybody in a heat got a ribbon, there was only one blue ribbon awarded, one red, one white then on to yellow, green pink - amazing how that comes back to me so readily right now).

Judo, just like any other sport, teaches body awareness, general fitness, etc, etc, etc. What's really unique, IMHO, is that it teaches randori and shiai. In other words, it teaches how to practice and how to compete, how to help others improve so you can improve as well as when to compete to win. These are two very different mindsets, and that randori mindset is oft ignored in all other segments of society. While they may get an award just for showing up, there's also a lot of competition. There's only one high school valedictorian each year, there are limited numbers of seats at Harvard or even the community college down the road. There are only 9 starting positions on a baseball team, and 5 on a basketball team and you have to dominate the second team to maintain your "spot". Same with music - you want to be the principle musician in your segment, you need to work and stay ahead of everybody else, and if that means thrashing the number 2 seat in public, that means thrashing the number 2 seat.

Judo is different - it teaches randori. It teaches placing yourself at risk and falling flat on your back so that you can learn. It teaches you not to fear getting thrown by the least ranked white belt, and that allowing weaker players to throw when they've "earned" it is a good thing - it improves the lower rank and improves the higher rank. In very few areas is there this concept of improving each other through this kind of mutual learning. No time is wasted (unless you want to waste it), but all partners teach all partners and that is a good thing.

Randori is an extension of uchi komi - where you're allowing your partner to learn a technique without resistance. Randori leads to shiai, where you actually compete. Knowing where and when to compete, and that not everything is a competition is a good thing. Learning that a great learning environment can be created through mutual practice is integral, especially as we move towards more team based workplaces.

There is no equivalent in swimming. Barring a Dad or older brother willing to work with you on off hours, you're never going to get that from baseball practice (can't hit a screwball, well screw you). I can't think of anywhere else where this type of learning is so integral to the curriculum. Sure, you get a parent or two now and again who just don't get it and yell at little Johnny during randori to bury his partner, but those parents and students generally do come around, and even that's part of the learning process.

Let's face it, folks, getting kids active and keeping kids active is a good thing, no matter what the sport. What judo has to offer that's unique to me is the distinction between randori and shiai, and how both are beneficial to the development of the judoka.

Hanon: Posts : 537
Join date : 2012-12-31

Post n°9

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Hanon Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:43 am

BillC wrote:Coincidence that I stumbled on the JJAVA site link while seeking the link for this forum today. Let's not be patting ourselves on our collective backs.

Problem is, ladies and gentlemen ... and this comment probably belongs in the yudansha section ... like many things there is a huge gap between the ideal and the practice. As far as working with children, the vast majority are woefully unprepared ... and there is no mechanism to force compliance with any training program ... even if a good one existed ... and from there no process exists to make sure that teachers adhere to any system with a basis in good educational and childcare principles. In fact, the worst cases of abuse and dishonesty are often institutionalized.

Consider the common spectacle of the black belt, thinking himself (usually a he) prepared by virtue of that piece of cloth, who acts like he is out to run baby boot camp but accomplishes (I read this term on the old forum recently and like it) ... accomplishes little more than BWC (baby-sitting with costumes).

So I think that question of benefit to children is an open question ... an elusive goal and not a comprehensive reality ... at least as far as a cause-and-effect relationship. Judo is a wonderful activity, don't get me wrong, and its robust, lasting principles do manage to show through. But it is often out of luck in getting a naturally good "sensei" and not because of anything to do with judo as practiced.

I agree with this post. Its not always the subject but who and how its taught or teaches it. Wrongly taught judo can do as much harm as a good sensei can do good.

Mike

BillC: Posts : 806
Join date : 2012-12-28
Location : Vista, California

Post n°10

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by BillC Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:08 am

Stacey wrote:

Judo is different - it teaches randori. It teaches placing yourself at risk and falling flat on your back so that you can learn. It teaches you not to fear getting thrown by the least ranked white belt, and that allowing weaker players to throw when they've "earned" it is a good thing - it improves the lower rank and improves the higher rank. In very few areas is there this concept of improving each other through this kind of mutual learning. No time is wasted (unless you want to waste it), but all partners teach all partners and that is a good thing.

Randori is an extension of uchi komi - where you're allowing your partner to learn a technique without resistance. Randori leads to shiai, where you actually compete. Knowing where and when to compete, and that not everything is a competition is a good thing. Learning that a great learning environment can be created through mutual practice is integral, especially as we move towards more team based workplaces.

There is no equivalent in swimming ... etc .

See, now there is an example of where we are going to diverge. If not disagreeing with you, I think yours is an idealized representation, not a universal practice. At least when swimming one is alone out there staring at that black line for hours and hours. Any feedback at all has to take place after the ears come out of the water ... that is until some fool comes up with a set of headphones to stick on a swimmer so coach can tell the swimmer exactly what she is doing wrong on each and every stroke down the pool.

Judo, on the other hand, is less frequently allowed to be done mano a mano, one human being bowing to another in silence across the tatami. Nooooo ... coaches, parents, parent-coaches, parents who think they are coaches. We have whole courses and sets of rules about what coaches can yell, strong opinions about what they should be yelling, the whole bloody time. We have parents who sit at the door next to the practice mat and comment to their kids incessantly instead of leaving their kids for an hour ... it's become strange to trust leaving your kids alone to do anything ... the same at baseball, soccer, etc.

Then there is "old school." What kind of "mutual learning" do you think goes on if "sensei" is the guy with the shinai who cracks you across the ass ... or the head ... just to "toughen the kid up." And some parents think that is great ... call it "discipline."

In short ... all these things are externally imposed. They lead to the concept of control at best during the time the adult is present.

Stacey: Posts : 554
Join date : 2013-01-17
Location : your worst nightmares

Post n°11

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Stacey Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:42 am

BillC wrote:

Stacey wrote:

Judo is different - it teaches randori. It teaches placing yourself at risk and falling flat on your back so that you can learn. It teaches you not to fear getting thrown by the least ranked white belt, and that allowing weaker players to throw when they've "earned" it is a good thing - it improves the lower rank and improves the higher rank. In very few areas is there this concept of improving each other through this kind of mutual learning. No time is wasted (unless you want to waste it), but all partners teach all partners and that is a good thing.

Randori is an extension of uchi komi - where you're allowing your partner to learn a technique without resistance. Randori leads to shiai, where you actually compete. Knowing where and when to compete, and that not everything is a competition is a good thing. Learning that a great learning environment can be created through mutual practice is integral, especially as we move towards more team based workplaces.

There is no equivalent in swimming ... etc .

See, now there is an example of where we are going to diverge. If not disagreeing with you, I think yours is an idealized representation, not a universal practice. At least when swimming one is alone out there staring at that black line for hours and hours. Any feedback at all has to take place after the ears come out of the water ... that is until some fool comes up with a set of headphones to stick on a swimmer so coach can tell the swimmer exactly what she is doing wrong on each and every stroke down the pool.

Judo, on the other hand, is less frequently allowed to be done mano a mano, one human being bowing to another in silence across the tatami. Nooooo ... coaches, parents, parent-coaches, parents who think they are coaches. We have whole courses and sets of rules about what coaches can yell, strong opinions about what they should be yelling, the whole bloody time. We have parents who sit at the door next to the practice mat and comment to their kids incessantly instead of leaving their kids for an hour ... it's become strange to trust leaving your kids alone to do anything ... the same at baseball, soccer, etc.

Then there is "old school." What kind of "mutual learning" do you think goes on if "sensei" is the guy with the shinai who cracks you across the ass ... or the head ... just to "toughen the kid up." And some parents think that is great ... call it "discipline."

In short ... all these things are externally imposed. They lead to the concept of control at best during the time the adult is present.

Mano a mano only works at a meet. At practice, the lanes are jammed with swimmers, the faster swimmers tickling to toes of the slower swimmers until they let the faster swimmer by, coaches yelling, temperatures of the water down around 50, getting coerced into wearing 4-5 suits at a time, the top two shredded for extra resistance. Rubber bands, pull bouys, kick boards, video review, all were regularly used when I was a kid. Recording training times, distances, workouts. Over chlorinated pools - don't complain no matter how red your eyes get or green your hair becomes.

Oh, and let's not forget no shaving until the big meet. Want to stand around on deck getting your ass chewed? Show up with clean legs because you shaved for a family member's wedding.

The closest thing to uchi komi is start and turn practice, freezing your ass off waiting your turn to throw a flip turn against the wall and then get the commentary of your coach. Most coaches don't tell you what you're doing right, just yell what you're doing wrong.

50 degrees, public humiliation, too much chlorine - that's all to "toughen you up" and if you have to sit through your first and second period class in a warm-up and a wet suit, well that'll teach you to swim faster.

I know, there are factions of very vocal parents out there "supporting" their little judoka, their little swimmer. They are annoying as all get out for the vast majority of us, and we do hope they go away or learn to STFU. At some point, you may have to take the bull by the horns and educate the overly vocal parents or ban them (and risk losing their child completely) from the sidelines.

I have no problem with parents watching practice, or putting on a judogi and participating in practice. There does need to be transparency, especially in this day and age when there's so much news about nefarious coaches out there. But there are limits as well. When a parent acts repeatedly in a way that's contrary to the learning of the class, there's a problem. I do have the right to refuse to teach when my teaching is being consistently and continually undermined by an overly vocal parent being an idiot.

Personally, I think it sucks to be placed in that position, but it must be a lot worse for the kid - growing up with that kind of parent? A know-it-all who's judgmental instead of supportive? Somebody who so micro-manages their kids lives that the kid can't learn without the background of Mom and Dad shouting?

Sure, there are coaches like that as well. We do our best to cull them, but they are still there, yelling, "sweep the leg". I feel bad for their students as well. Judo's tough enough on a kid without that sort of crap. So's baseball, basketball, and growing up.

Ben Reinhardt: Posts : 794
Join date : 2012-12-28
Location : Bonners Ferry, Idaho, USA

Post n°12

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Ben Reinhardt Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:50 am

BillC wrote:

Stacey wrote:

Judo is different - it teaches randori. It teaches placing yourself at risk and falling flat on your back so that you can learn. It teaches you not to fear getting thrown by the least ranked white belt, and that allowing weaker players to throw when they've "earned" it is a good thing - it improves the lower rank and improves the higher rank. In very few areas is there this concept of improving each other through this kind of mutual learning. No time is wasted (unless you want to waste it), but all partners teach all partners and that is a good thing.

Randori is an extension of uchi komi - where you're allowing your partner to learn a technique without resistance. Randori leads to shiai, where you actually compete. Knowing where and when to compete, and that not everything is a competition is a good thing. Learning that a great learning environment can be created through mutual practice is integral, especially as we move towards more team based workplaces.

There is no equivalent in swimming ... etc .

See, now there is an example of where we are going to diverge. If not disagreeing with you, I think yours is an idealized representation, not a universal practice. At least when swimming one is alone out there staring at that black line for hours and hours. Any feedback at all has to take place after the ears come out of the water ... that is until some fool comes up with a set of headphones to stick on a swimmer so coach can tell the swimmer exactly what she is doing wrong on each and every stroke down the pool.

Judo, on the other hand, is less frequently allowed to be done mano a mano, one human being bowing to another in silence across the tatami. Nooooo ... coaches, parents, parent-coaches, parents who think they are coaches. We have whole courses and sets of rules about what coaches can yell, strong opinions about what they should be yelling, the whole bloody time. We have parents who sit at the door next to the practice mat and comment to their kids incessantly instead of leaving their kids for an hour ... it's become strange to trust leaving your kids alone to do anything ... the same at baseball, soccer, etc.

Then there is "old school." What kind of "mutual learning" do you think goes on if "sensei" is the guy with the shinai who cracks you across the ass ... or the head ... just to "toughen the kid up." And some parents think that is great ... call it "discipline."

In short ... all these things are externally imposed. They lead to the concept of control at best during the time the adult is present.

This an issue I take pretty seriously. I don't allow parents to "coach" from the sidelines if they are watching practice. None of them know any Judo anyway, plus, it confuses the kids. They are working on what I've instructed them to work on, and if they need any cues I'll give them.

I've told quite a few parents to please be quiet (politely), then not so politely to be quiet and observe, or leave. So far, nobody has withdrawn their kids from Judo. I think it best for parents to be not present in any case, it's better for the kids to have a break from parental authority/observation. Some kids are OK with their parents there, others train better without them present.

Parents of course have a right to watch their kids practice...a good parent will make sure the person teaching their kids is competent at teaching, not abusive, etc.. I've no problems with that, just the kibitzing I don't tolerate.

Ben

JudoMum: Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-12-29
Location : England

Post n°13

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by JudoMum Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:37 am

My kid is no longer bullied at school. Judo gave him the strength and the confidence to plant the ringleader - you tend to only have to do this the once.

Ben Reinhardt: Posts : 794
Join date : 2012-12-28
Location : Bonners Ferry, Idaho, USA

Post n°14

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Ben Reinhardt Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:00 am

JudoMum wrote:My kid is no longer bullied at school. Judo gave him the strength and the confidence to plant the ringleader - you tend to only have to do this the once.

that's great, but are you being sued and now having to pay his medical bills, if any?

I've seen it go both ways. Kid defends himself with Judo, gets expelled from school, Dad had to pay for a broken jaw and a broken arm of the two bullies.

Ben

JudoMum: Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-12-29
Location : England

Post n°15

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by JudoMum Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:14 am

Ben Reinhardt wrote:
that's great, but are you being sued and now having to pay his medical bills, if any?

I've seen it go both ways. Kid defends himself with Judo, gets expelled from school, Dad had to pay for a broken jaw and a broken arm of the two bullies.

Ben

ouch...

nope - he also learned the control.... and I was very careful to explain to the school that he had not used a judo technique, but that judo had given him the strength and confidence to stand up for himself in this situation. That I of course would not condone the use of violence, but that I also would not forbid him to stand up for himself in the same situation, where witnesses had seen him leave the area where a group of bullies were having a go at him but they followed him, where he then asked them to leave him alone but they continued.

Son has an autistic spectrum disorder which means that he has communication difficulties with his peers - he doesn't 'get' nonverbal cues and comes across as a bit 'odd'. Because he stands out, well, naturally that makes him a target. Well.. made him a target.... word gets around.

Judo has changed him and his experience of life in so many ways... that he is no longer a target at school is just an added bonus.

GR3G4: Posts : 12
Join date : 2013-01-22
Location : Yurp

Post n°16

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by GR3G4 Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:47 pm

genetic judoka wrote:in my opinion the benefit of judo for kids is simple.

nowadays in every other aspect of their lives kids are growing up in a world where everybody gets a trophy. where the kid who shows up occasionally and just kinda goes through the motions isn't allowed to be praised any less than the kid who comes in early and stays late giving 100% effort 100% of the time. if a kid fails a test it's the teacher that gets blamed, nevermind that the kid decided to play video games instead of studying like everyone else. and if their soccer team loses, the slacker kid can feel better because the blame is divided amongst his team mates.

the thing is, the real world (the one we have to live in as adults) isn't like that.

in judo it's not like that either. if you get promoted it's because you earned that promotion (at least in most clubs), if you don't put in the work you don't get a reward. if the kid goofs off during regular practice they're gonna get smoked in randori. granted in randori there's no winners or losers, but in shiai, someone wins, someone loses. if you lose it's because you didn't work hard enough to win. there's no "oh well my team mates didn't play well so our team lost." unlike the school world where every kid is special, in judo your performance speaks for itself. the value of hard work isn't explained in lectures that kids can tune out from, it's demonstrated.

people call our dojo and ask "so how long will it take for lil jimmy to get his black belt?"
"that depends on how hard lil jimmy works, but generally he won't get it until he's at least 16."
"well the instructor from the TKD school down the street says he can get it in a year or two."
"are you just looking for an easy way for lil jimmy to get his black belt for bragging rights? if so you can buy a belt online for cheap, but what is it worth?"

that last part is IMO an explanation of why judo, and not just martial arts in general, is good for kids. some of my post resembles things said in the OP, but I wanted to say it my own (less politically correct) way.

I can partly agree. Handing out trophies regardless of success or effort is not what we should aim for, but it all depends on how they are awarded. For instance, in my club when we have competitions for little kids (up to 8 or 10 years old) we always give medals to all competitors, but in every group (category) there is only one gold medal, one silver medal and two bronze medals. The others get different medals (sometimes smaller, sometimes wooden, whatever).

When "preparing" for a competition (of course no tactical or technical preparation, more psychological) instructors always emphasize effort. When a child gives his all he should be awarded for the effort, regardless of the result. I always tell the kids that winning is important, but sometimes they can't win because their opponent is better (if he was better he deserved to win - explaining this also helps the child cope with defeat). Who is better can only be seen after a match, the instructor should be careful to not let children use this as an always ready excuse. I never gave out praise to those who I felt didn't put in the effort I felt they were capable of (you have to know the children and their abilities well to do this).

Why do I think all should be awarded? For a young child a competition can be a very stressful event. We help alleviate the stress by making their experience at least a little enjoyable. Those who lose (and sometimes keep losing for various reasons, not necessarily due to lack of effort) may become disinterested and stop wanting to compete (and sometimes even want to quit judo). As a club who promotes competitive judo (we also give children the opportunity to just practice judo recreationally - from age 10 or 12 up those who have no interest in competing can practice in separate groups) we want the children to keep competing and try to teach them to enjoy competitions. Sometimes kids forget the bad things (losses, sometimes pain...) when they finish a competition on a high note (posing for photos with their medals among their opponents, if they get a candy, it's even better Very Happy

Very Happy

). Also: we do not want to make selection at such a young age - in most cases it's too soon to tell if they will be successful later in their competitive careers or even if they will still be doing judo a year from now, we have to do all we can to keep them all (it's not as if kids are swarming to judo clubs). If giving out medals to all participants helps in this regard, why not?

GR3G4: Posts : 12
Join date : 2013-01-22
Location : Yurp

Post n°17

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by GR3G4 Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:53 pm

Ben Reinhardt wrote:

This an issue I take pretty seriously. I don't allow parents to "coach" from the sidelines if they are watching practice. None of them know any Judo anyway, plus, it confuses the kids. They are working on what I've instructed them to work on, and if they need any cues I'll give them.

I've told quite a few parents to please be quiet (politely), then not so politely to be quiet and observe, or leave. So far, nobody has withdrawn their kids from Judo. I think it best for parents to be not present in any case, it's better for the kids to have a break from parental authority/observation. Some kids are OK with their parents there, others train better without them present.

Parents of course have a right to watch their kids practice...a good parent will make sure the person teaching their kids is competent at teaching, not abusive, etc.. I've no problems with that, just the kibitzing I don't tolerate.

Ben

I agree that during practice or competition parents should not be allowed to coach from the sideline. But I also don't let the kids' parents attend practice, excpept in the first few weeks of the season (if a child joins the class later in the season, of course the parent is allowed to watch a few times to get the feeling what is going on and how we work with kids). From time to time I agree for parents to come and watch the practice, usually one or two at a time (they expressed interest in how their kids progress, maybe they want to photo or film their kid during judo practice or an out of town grandma wants to see her grandkid do judo...), and of course parents were allowed to attend all events (competitions, gradings etc.) . The parents were presented with the credentials of the instructors (licence, experience...). Also many came because we were recommended to them by people who had children in our club (the best form of advertising). In most cases there were no problems with them not being allowed to attend practices (I actually can't remember any). We also took time to explain the parents why we believe it's better if they didn't attend practices regularly.

I worked with young children (they started judo at 4-5 years) and found that having parents in the room was disturbing the practice. An instructor has to be the main authority at the practice (I guess everyone will agree) as he/she is responsible for everything that happens during the class. When parents are present (the most important people in a child's life) the instructor can have difficulty creating this authority as the parents will be the the first people a child will look to for questions, praise, help or whatever. Also sometimes parents can't help themselves (even when they agree it's not OK) and need to shout a word to their child (sometimes encouragement, some times they feel the child is not behaving) - in these cases the child can forget about the instructor.

(I can explain these things so much better in my language... Very Happy

Very Happy

)

Hanon: Posts : 537
Join date : 2012-12-31

Post n°18

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Hanon Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:45 pm

JudoMum wrote:My kid is no longer bullied at school. Judo gave him the strength and the confidence to plant the ringleader - you tend to only have to do this the once.

Hi Judo mom,

Bullying is an awful crime. The consequences to the victim can be untold and life long. I do not under any circumstances condone ANY form of bullying. I write this from the start as every time I write on this subject I get into hot water. Non the less..

I am sure after your son planted the bully YOUR son became free from the negative attention of his bully. This would be simply great if that was the end of the story. It was certainly not though.

What will have happened is said bully would then become even more frustrated and add feelings feelings of vengeance to his or her already distorted psych and those, even stronger emotions, would have been vented on another victim.

Bouncing a bully off the wall or scrapping one off the floor NEVER EVER resolves the situation. Sure your son is free from his attention but wow will the bullies next victim pay for what happened.

You see bullies tend to be victims themselves and often, though not always, act out to others what they are suffering themselves. To this end bashing a bully only enforces their negative, criminal and anti social behaviour. Bullies are not happy people.

As a society we have to ponder if we want short term answers or long term positive resolutions. The ideal situation is always to find out what motivates the bully to behave as he or she does and support said person in making self change. Judo CAN be a vehicle to do that if the sensei is a person who teaches judo with an understanding of judo and its applications.

I am seriously and genuinely relived to learn your son is no longer bullied. As the adult in this scenario it may be an idea to bring to the attention of the school the fact he was being bullied and how the school allowed that secondly name the bully so some form of behaviour rectification through support can be offered.

Make no mistake the ONLY way to prevent a bully from becoming a real danger to society is to work with them as young as possible. Most posters here would be truly shocked to discover the life style of a bully. So often it is a smoke screen and cry for help. NOT ALWAYS, but very often.

Bottom line here is don't bully a bully prevent further victims by working with the bully. Difficult but when has life been simple?

My very best to you and yours. Please understand I am not taking a pop at you, not at all. It is my sole intention to try and illustrate that your son resolved his problem but in doing so another less fortunate child will pay the price. Very VERY difficult for a parent to understand this.

Mike

Last edited by Hanon on Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:51 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spelling and addition)

Hanon: Posts : 537
Join date : 2012-12-31

Post n°19

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Hanon Thu Jan 24, 2013 12:16 am

A GENERAL POST ON THE SUBJECT OF GUESTS IN THE DOJO.

Hi,

This is a minefield. Teaching children today is not a risk free activity. IF a dojo has an infant section it would be my strongest advice to INSIST on a parent or guardian being present when teaching. I make this suggestion regardless of the sensei being male or female.

The responsibility of the management and conduct of behaviour ON a tatami belongs, correctly, with the sensei. Once a parent has passed their child onto the sensei the parent must accept that the sensei is now responsible. If a parent cannot accept that then the parent is free to remove their child from your dojo.

NEVER EVER allow a parent to even speak with their child when they enter your tatami. Once on that tatami the child MUST understand that YOU as the teacher is responsible and act on your commands accepting your discipline while growing and developing his or her own.

Mat side teachers give the trots. I have never tolerated them. They are a danger to their children and all those on the tatami.

It is imperative that a child has free time away from parental control just as its vital for a healthy family relationship that parents have free time away from their kids. A tatami should become a small world of its own, when we entre a tatami all external pressures and day to day functions should be left in the changing room. The tatami is a class room, a dangerous one. A sensei HAS to have 100% control of his class. that means 100% attention from those he is responsible for. If a child's mind is diverted away from the artificial 'zone' of a tatami then even for a second, that child can be a danger to themselves or peer.

When I was teaching the tatami became the world for a small period. I knew what was going on on every millimetre of that tatami. I was responsible and responsible IN LAW. This point must be burned into every teachers mind from the word go.

Sure Mr or Mrs Jones may try and speak with their kids. Point is the teacher then losses control of HIS environment and that is when accidents occur. Who then carries the can?

If a parent is allowed to interfere with the lesson the teachers authority becomes eroded and the child is not free from parental control. Double wamy.

So, if your teaching infants I suggest you insist on parents being present but have a flyer printed explaining what is written above. Most parents will respect this and thank you for your hard work with their kids.

If you do allow parental intervention then be prepared to accept the consequences when something goes wrong.

Though it appears so black and white please don't think I feel from a tree yesterday. I understand the practice is not always as simply as the theory, however no one forces a teacher to teach if a teacher finds difficulty with control maybe its best to practice and allow another to accept such a heavy burden?

Mike.

JudoTerrier: Posts : 16
Join date : 2013-01-10
Location : North Carolina, USA

Post n°20

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by JudoTerrier Thu Jan 24, 2013 12:19 am

A guy from our dojo (who is also a karate BB--NOT krotty) wrote this a while back--I thought he had several very good points.

http://karatethemodernway.blogspot.com/2011/03/judo-ideal-martial-art-for-children.html

Erika

genetic judoka: Posts : 541
Join date : 2012-12-30
Age : 37
Location : Florida

Post n°21

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by genetic judoka Thu Jan 24, 2013 2:47 am

Hanon wrote:

JudoMum wrote:My kid is no longer bullied at school. Judo gave him the strength and the confidence to plant the ringleader - you tend to only have to do this the once.

Hi Judo mom,

Bullying is an awful crime. The consequences to the victim can be untold and life long. I do not under any circumstances condone ANY form of bullying. I write this from the start as every time I write on this subject I get into hot water. Non the less..

I am sure after your son planted the bully YOUR son became free from the negative attention of his bully. This would be simply great if that was the end of the story. It was certainly not though.

What will have happened is said bully would then become even more frustrated and add feelings feelings of vengeance to his or her already distorted psych and those, even stronger emotions, would have been vented on another victim.

Bouncing a bully off the wall or scrapping one off the floor NEVER EVER resolves the situation. Sure your son is free from his attention but wow will the bullies next victim pay for what happened.

You see bullies tend to be victims themselves and often, though not always, act out to others what they are suffering themselves. To this end bashing a bully only enforces their negative, criminal and anti social behaviour. Bullies are not happy people.

As a society we have to ponder if we want short term answers or long term positive resolutions. The ideal situation is always to find out what motivates the bully to behave as he or she does and support said person in making self change. Judo CAN be a vehicle to do that if the sensei is a person who teaches judo with an understanding of judo and its applications.

I am seriously and genuinely relived to learn your son is no longer bullied. As the adult in this scenario it may be an idea to bring to the attention of the school the fact he was being bullied and how the school allowed that secondly name the bully so some form of behaviour rectification through support can be offered.

Make no mistake the ONLY way to prevent a bully from becoming a real danger to society is to work with them as young as possible. Most posters here would be truly shocked to discover the life style of a bully. So often it is a smoke screen and cry for help. NOT ALWAYS, but very often.

Bottom line here is don't bully a bully prevent further victims by working with the bully. Difficult but when has life been simple?

My very best to you and yours. Please understand I am not taking a pop at you, not at all. It is my sole intention to try and illustrate that your son resolved his problem but in doing so another less fortunate child will pay the price. Very VERY difficult for a parent to understand this.

Mike

you bring up valid points. as an example in the opposite direction, we can give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or we can teach him to fish and feed him for life. but what if we don't have the time to teach a fella how to fish? should you avoid giving him a fish because it'll only feed him for a day?

what you say should be done (getting to the root of the problem) is of course the ideal situation and the best way to reach the ideal outcome. but what if I as a hypothetical bullied kid with issues communicating with others don't have the means by which to get to the root of the problem? I can't take that kid out of an abusive home, I can't deal with his parents' possible drug and/or alcohol problems, and odds are I can't get anywhere near the root of the problem. does that mean I should allow myself to continue being bullied to avoid the next victim getting worse treatment?

if I have the means by which to make the bully leave ME alone, why shouldn't I? why should I allow myself to having a damaging childhood experience for the sake of keeping someone with an already damaged childhood from having a slightly worse one? maybe if we're lucky the bully would see that not all targets are as helpless as they seem, and might think twice about finding a new victim.

we live in a world that is far from perfect. this world has a lot of barriers keeping the perfect solution from being effective. so does that mean we shouldn't act upon the opportunity to make the solution a bit better?

Hanon: Posts : 537
Join date : 2012-12-31

Post n°22

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Hanon Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:19 am

genetic judoka wrote:

Hanon wrote:

JudoMum wrote:My kid is no longer bullied at school. Judo gave him the strength and the confidence to plant the ringleader - you tend to only have to do this the once.

Hi Judo mom,

Bullying is an awful crime. The consequences to the victim can be untold and life long. I do not under any circumstances condone ANY form of bullying. I write this from the start as every time I write on this subject I get into hot water. Non the less..

I am sure after your son planted the bully YOUR son became free from the negative attention of his bully. This would be simply great if that was the end of the story. It was certainly not though.

What will have happened is said bully would then become even more frustrated and add feelings feelings of vengeance to his or her already distorted psych and those, even stronger emotions, would have been vented on another victim.

Bouncing a bully off the wall or scrapping one off the floor NEVER EVER resolves the situation. Sure your son is free from his attention but wow will the bullies next victim pay for what happened.

You see bullies tend to be victims themselves and often, though not always, act out to others what they are suffering themselves. To this end bashing a bully only enforces their negative, criminal and anti social behaviour. Bullies are not happy people.

As a society we have to ponder if we want short term answers or long term positive resolutions. The ideal situation is always to find out what motivates the bully to behave as he or she does and support said person in making self change. Judo CAN be a vehicle to do that if the sensei is a person who teaches judo with an understanding of judo and its applications.

I am seriously and genuinely relived to learn your son is no longer bullied. As the adult in this scenario it may be an idea to bring to the attention of the school the fact he was being bullied and how the school allowed that secondly name the bully so some form of behaviour rectification through support can be offered.

Make no mistake the ONLY way to prevent a bully from becoming a real danger to society is to work with them as young as possible. Most posters here would be truly shocked to discover the life style of a bully. So often it is a smoke screen and cry for help. NOT ALWAYS, but very often.

Bottom line here is don't bully a bully prevent further victims by working with the bully. Difficult but when has life been simple?

My very best to you and yours. Please understand I am not taking a pop at you, not at all. It is my sole intention to try and illustrate that your son resolved his problem but in doing so another less fortunate child will pay the price. Very VERY difficult for a parent to understand this.

Mike

you bring up valid points. as an example in the opposite direction, we can give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or we can teach him to fish and feed him for life. but what if we don't have the time to teach a fella how to fish? should you avoid giving him a fish because it'll only feed him for a day?

what you say should be done (getting to the root of the problem) is of course the ideal situation and the best way to reach the ideal outcome. but what if I as a hypothetical bullied kid with issues communicating with others don't have the means by which to get to the root of the problem? I can't take that kid out of an abusive home, I can't deal with his parents' possible drug and/or alcohol problems, and odds are I can't get anywhere near the root of the problem. does that mean I should allow myself to continue being bullied to avoid the next victim getting worse treatment?

if I have the means by which to make the bully leave ME alone, why shouldn't I? why should I allow myself to having a damaging childhood experience for the sake of keeping someone with an already damaged childhood from having a slightly worse one? maybe if we're lucky the bully would see that not all targets are as helpless as they seem, and might think twice about finding a new victim.

we live in a world that is far from perfect. this world has a lot of barriers keeping the perfect solution from being effective. so does that mean we shouldn't act upon the opportunity to make the solution a bit better?

Hiya,

How is married life?

Okay. No confrontation. To the best of my knowledge every school in the educated world has clear guidelines for all staff to follow in the case of bullying, yes? To this end any case of bullying should be spotted at source by staff and acted upon. Failing staff observation the parent should speak with the head teacher and resolve the situation.

Let me make this clear. Self defence for a child is the parents and grandparents. Self defence for a child doesn't exist, never has and never will. Bullying in this era is so well documented there is zero need for any of our children or grandchildren to need to resort to fighting.

I see your points, take them on board. You write though as its the child, the victim, who has the responsibility for self preservation when it's clearly the staff at the school and the parents. If a parent fails due to socio economic reasons that is exactly why governments spend millions on teacher training to spot these vulnerable children and prevent.

Children the world over to this day still commit suicide because of bullying. Very VERY often that last person, the one who dies is one of many past victims. Remember the bully like all behaviours becomes self enforced the longer he is allowed to bully. In suicide cases it is documented that the victim is not the first but so often the sad end of a very long history of the perpetrator. Early professional educated intervention would have saved that life and the many who suffered before.

If we care about the victims we simply HAVE to identify the bully and take immediate professional action. That action is often laid down in school regulations with a system already in place to deal with that specific situation. There is no longer any excuse for a child to be bullied in a school today.

I am not the one soft on bullies I want them found but I want the situation resolved not negatively enforced by emotive thinking.

Mike

Okazi: Posts : 37
Join date : 2013-01-08
Location : Canada

Post n°23

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Okazi Thu Jan 24, 2013 5:53 am

Hanon wrote:

JudoMum wrote:My kid is no longer bullied at school. Judo gave him the strength and the confidence to plant the ringleader - you tend to only have to do this the once.

Hi Judo mom,

Bullying is an awful crime. The consequences to the victim can be untold and life long. I do not under any circumstances condone ANY form of bullying. I write this from the start as every time I write on this subject I get into hot water. Non the less..

I am sure after your son planted the bully YOUR son became free from the negative attention of his bully. This would be simply great if that was the end of the story. It was certainly not though.

What will have happened is said bully would then become even more frustrated and add feelings feelings of vengeance to his or her already distorted psych and those, even stronger emotions, would have been vented on another victim.

Bouncing a bully off the wall or scrapping one off the floor NEVER EVER resolves the situation. Sure your son is free from his attention but wow will the bullies next victim pay for what happened.

You see bullies tend to be victims themselves and often, though not always, act out to others what they are suffering themselves. To this end bashing a bully only enforces their negative, criminal and anti social behaviour. Bullies are not happy people.

As a society we have to ponder if we want short term answers or long term positive resolutions. The ideal situation is always to find out what motivates the bully to behave as he or she does and support said person in making self change. Judo CAN be a vehicle to do that if the sensei is a person who teaches judo with an understanding of judo and its applications.

I am seriously and genuinely relived to learn your son is no longer bullied. As the adult in this scenario it may be an idea to bring to the attention of the school the fact he was being bullied and how the school allowed that secondly name the bully so some form of behaviour rectification through support can be offered.

Make no mistake the ONLY way to prevent a bully from becoming a real danger to society is to work with them as young as possible. Most posters here would be truly shocked to discover the life style of a bully. So often it is a smoke screen and cry for help. NOT ALWAYS, but very often.

Bottom line here is don't bully a bully prevent further victims by working with the bully. Difficult but when has life been simple?

My very best to you and yours. Please understand I am not taking a pop at you, not at all. It is my sole intention to try and illustrate that your son resolved his problem but in doing so another less fortunate child will pay the price. Very VERY difficult for a parent to understand this.

Mike

Violence is wrong. Why? Because that is a fundamental childhood lesson. Various other life lessons don’t seem to manifest themselves as easily in others as time goes by (sharing is good, a penny saved is a penny earned, you can do whatever you set your mind to, we are all created equal, etc).

Fighting is bad. People don’t fear the consequence (pain) they fear the situation. A bully isn’t an expert at winning fights as much as he is an expert at starting them. We have been conditioned to not provoke/escalate fights, even if we are right in doing so.

We are always taught to think of it in the following terms. The bully: primitive, damaged, from a broken home etc. The victim: should know better, is encouraged to be the better man (or woman) and to seek the higher ground etc. As the victim (a shining light in an otherwise dark and demented world) it’s your duty to not escalate the situation. You are noble, privileged, saintly, don’t lower yourself to “that” level, don’t be a barbarian, don’t be violent trailer trash ,etc.

We fear fighting because we are taught to fear it and conditioned to internalize this fear. It takes a long time for someone to abscond his/her ultimate responsibility: self-defence. That’s why we start the training from a very young age. By the time you grow-up you are a fully trained surrender monkey.

Guilt is always associated with pain. Your parents, assuming they were “normal” only hit you when you were “bad”. Victims of chronic abuse on some level feel as if the beatings are justified, why else would they stick around? Zero tolerance at school or at work…The issue here is the preservation of power not the pursuit of justice. “You have no right to hit another child!” Is that so?…my daddy and his friend who wears a funny robe (in the states they just wear suits) to work disagree.

Today we know understand that parents are “abnormal” when the beatings they dish out to their kids are random, and inconsistent. Kids raised by “those parents” and those who may have had older brothers or lived in neighborhoods with “neighborhood kids” also failed to associate pain with guilt.

The reality of bullying is: the victim never fights back. He fears the system in which the bullying happens. When daddy says “you are my son, and I didn’t raise no sissy, you knock that fat bastard right the !@#$ out!”, daddy adds to his sons anguish. On top of the fear he feelsw toward the bully he must now fear his school, "the system". He is afraid of what will happen to him if he fights back. He doesn’t trust the school to have his back, if he defends himself and the bully ratchets it up to the next level. His father’s advice btw was excellent but not practical. The parents raised the kid to be ruled by the “system”, for it to be his middleman. Now they ask him to go solo, to rebel, to do it on his own.

The bully couldn’t care less, he isn’t afraid because he removed himself from the system long time ago. He operates outside of it.

The kid is blamed all the time. Idiotic statements like: “you know he’s a bastard, so why do you insist on going near him? Why are you being so stupid?”

What are the head games that operate within the bully/victim interaction?

The bully: “Hey Sissy boy! You are operating in my system. I beat you up once, and liked it, you offer~~ing~~ed no effective resistance, thus we are now legally bound to continue this arrangement. It’s a standard bully/victim contract, ask your friends and family if you get confused, they’ll know all about it…I did just want to clarify a one tiny little point…telling on me will result in the whole school calling you a wuss-puss, which is so much worse than getting beaten up, at least if you take your beatings you can keep your dignity. Since you are already operating under my rules (I hit you and you take it like the wuss-puss you are) this clause shall be piggy backed onto the standard bully/victim contract. Nice doing business with you, oh and see you soon.”

The day of reckoning...Your son has finally decided to take a stand. Enough is enough. More often than not your son will brutalize the bully. It won’t be self-defense it will be a message to the bully and the system that protected him.

So what is the solution? He or she must understand that there are times when they are required to operate outside the system, by teaching them about higher systems (doesn’t have to be religious). In effect you must raise a noble sociopath; one that respects what needs to be respected and disregards what needs to be disregarded.

Maybe you could start by reading with your child the works of Alexander I. Solzhenitsyn…

“a society without any objective legal scale is a terrible one indeed. But a society based on the letter of the law and never reaching any higher fails to take full advantage of the full range of human possibilities. The letter of the law is too cold and formal to have a beneficial influence on society. Whenever the tissue of life is woven of legalistic relationships, this creates an atmosphere of spiritual mediocrity that paralyzes man’s noblest impulses.”

Or not. It’s your child, invariably you will screw them up despite your best efforts.

People like me (and maybe even JudoMum lol) believe that those who are smaller should always fight back and defend their neighbors, regardless of the costs.

Last edited by Okazi on Thu Jan 24, 2013 8:49 am; edited 2 times in total

JudoTerrier: Posts : 16
Join date : 2013-01-10
Location : North Carolina, USA

Post n°24

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by JudoTerrier Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:38 am

genetic judoka wrote:

the thing is, the teacher education programs of which you speak have existed for many years, yet we still have bullying. on TV we see public service announcements telling kids that if they're being bullied to just go to the teacher about it. and that's it. those programs were in place while I was in school, yet bullying ran rampant.

We are fortunate enough to have our kids in schools where the teachers and admin *will* deal with it and take it seriously--but I know good and well that isn't true everywhere. I got a call from my husband one night to come straight home after my jujitsu class and skip dinner, so I could teach my son how to react to someone shoving him in the hall. So I came home and taught him to tai sabaki and bring his hands up--stay balanced, be defensive, let the other kid stumble. And we went to the principal the next day. It was dealt with and has not been a problem since.

We have taught both our kids that they should do anything possible to avoid a fight--and talked about HOW you avoid a fight. But we have also told them that if they do everything they can to avoid it, and still get in a situation where they are being threatened *physically*(as in, punches are being thrown), that they won't be in trouble with us if they finish it. Actually, I think my son is likelier to be able to take another kid to the ground and restrain him until help gets there with a judo background than with karate or tae kwon do. (And I am talking about a SCHOOL situation, not out around town.)

The whole bullying thing is a mess. There really aren't any simple answers. You just have to get yourself and your kids through those years as best you can, and if you're lucky you have a school that gives a *&%$.

Erika

Ben Reinhardt: Posts : 794
Join date : 2012-12-28
Location : Bonners Ferry, Idaho, USA

Post n°25

Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

by Ben Reinhardt Thu Jan 24, 2013 7:22 am

JudoMum wrote:

Ben Reinhardt wrote:
that's great, but are you being sued and now having to pay his medical bills, if any?

I've seen it go both ways. Kid defends himself with Judo, gets expelled from school, Dad had to pay for a broken jaw and a broken arm of the two bullies.

Ben

ouch...

nope - he also learned the control.... and I was very careful to explain to the school that he had not used a judo technique, but that judo had given him the strength and confidence to stand up for himself in this situation. That I of course would not condone the use of violence, but that I also would not forbid him to stand up for himself in the same situation, where witnesses had seen him leave the area where a group of bullies were having a go at him but they followed him, where he then asked them to leave him alone but they continued.

Son has an autistic spectrum disorder which means that he has communication difficulties with his peers - he doesn't 'get' nonverbal cues and comes across as a bit 'odd'. Because he stands out, well, naturally that makes him a target. Well.. made him a target.... word gets around.

Judo has changed him and his experience of life in so many ways... that he is no longer a target at school is just an added bonus.

That's a wonderful thing for your son! I got the impression he actually got in a fight. That his study of Judo allowed him to free himself from that situation without having to fight is great.

The situation I mentioned really happened, and was the result of a high school aged boy intervening in the beating of a younger student, at school, during recess (outdoors). He tried to get them to leave the younger boy alone, and was attacked by both other boys at the same time. He basically defended himself and ended up being the villain.

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Re: HOW & WHY JUDO BENEFITS CHILDREN

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